We’ll be shifting gears this time around to talk about something a bit more serious. There’s been a trend in my blogs to write about subjects which hold significance to me for one reason or another, as I find it much easier to write when you can personally relate to the topic at hand. This week is no different, as I’ll be discussing loneliness and how it affects people on the autism spectrum. Due to the socialization issues faced by those with autism, making and (perhaps most importantly) keeping friends can be a daunting task, despite our pure intentions. This lack of companionship can be highly damaging to anyone, let alone individuals on the spectrum. However, I promise if you just keep at it, and stay true to yourself, eventually good friends will come along. But I digress, let’s get into it.
From what I could find, apparently there used to be an idea that people with autism didn’t feel lonely or, at the very least, weren’t as severely impacted by it as others. I find this idea dubious at best. One study from the University of Missouri measured “loneliness, number and nature of friendships, depression, anxiety, life satisfaction, and self-esteem.” It was discovered that among this demographic, a lack of close friends increased depression and anxiety, while lowering self-esteem and satisfaction with life. This holds true for myself and everyone else I’ve ever known with autism.
It is possible that many people, mostly children, with ASD may not understand the connection between loneliness and real friendship. Making acquaintances is one thing, but having a true friend who’ll be there for you through thick and thin is difficult for so many of us. According to Tony Attwood, a well-known figure in the autism community in Australia, children with autism have weaker friendships than their neurotypical peers and don’t understand that their loneliness stems from that. “Whereas typical children define and understand loneliness as being alone (with no one to play with) and feelings of sadness, the majority of autistic children define loneliness as only one dimension of being alone. They tend to not attribute an emotional feeling (e.g. sadness) to their loneliness.” That degree of sadness that they don’t quite understand leads to intense feelings of depression and loneliness which is almost impossible to break out of.
As I’ve alluded to, the true cure for the devastating effects of loneliness is to forge strong friendships. A few years ago, I made 2 friends who are the best I’ve ever had, and for the first time I feel truly happy in my life. I feel better about myself than ever before. And this idea is definitely supported. From the first study I referenced, it was found that a “greater quantity and quality of friendships were associated with decreased loneliness among adults with autism spectrum disorders.” Interacting with the social world we live in can be challenging, and even scary at times, but as I said before, just keep being you and one day the right people will notice, and make a great friend in the process.
- G. Sosso