I want to highlight the importance dads play in raising a child on the spectrum. This is not meant to understate the significance of moms, but simply to give fair representation on both sides of the parenting duo. Perhaps if we in the community start giving them the recognition they deserve, more dads will be motivated to get more involved with their kids’ development. This is something we feel very strongly about, and something we feel needs more attention!
Ever since I was diagnosed with ASD at age 15, I’ve noticed the severe lack of not only father, but male involvement in the autism community as a whole. Why is that? Many researchers in recent years have noted the under representation of fathers in both psychological and sociological child-parent studies. They almost exclusively focus on the mothers, which can be seen as devaluing the paternal role. Some believe that this leads to a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, where the dads believe they’re not as important in their children’s lives, and as such, it becomes an unfortunate reality.
So what exactly is the role of fathers of those on the spectrum? The answer is quite simple, in theory; it’s the exact same as that of the mother. Reality, however, paints quite a different picture. From what I’ve gathered (and I quite agree with this), many believe that it comes from the pre-conceived cultural notion that the mother has to be the more caring, loving and emotional parent, while the father is seen as the cool, detached disciplinarian. Many dads are also more prone to wanting their kid to be a certain way; i.e. have similar interests and careers when they grow up.
With a child on the spectrum, you can see why this would be an issue. Kids with ASD need that extra parental devotion, since it’s difficult for them in their prepubescent and adolescent lives to develop along the same lines as the general populace without said support. The truth is that mothers in our culture are simply more inclined to do so, while many fathers believe they’re not up to the task, and that they’ve “failed” somehow. The culmination of this is the majority of the time, the kid grows more attached to the mom, ultimately resulting in the widespread belief that moms are better fit to raise their child with ASD.
So now that we know what the current state of fathers is (for many, not all), what can we do to fix it? We can spread the word of course! Showcase the wonderful contributions dads have made to the community, highlight those dads who have gone above and beyond to make a difference in their child’s life, and try to persuade those who are unsure that they are just as important as their wife is.
- G. Sosso
***Update: Shortly after this blog was posted an article was released about a study done regarding dads’ involvement.