I’ve been meaning to cover this for a while but, being the genius that I am, didn’t actually get around to it until AFTER Valentine’s Day. Romance is a tricky subject for anyone, and by no means am I qualified to talk about the intricacies of dating. However, I can give some insight on the topic from the perspective of someone on the autism spectrum. Familial and friendly bonds can be scary and/or difficult for people with ASD, let alone being in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean its something we don’t desire or can’t achieve. In this piece, I’d like to focus on what the experience of dating someone with autism is like, as opposed to a standard dating guide which you can find plenty of!
So, what is it like to be with someone on the spectrum? It’s certainly a bit different, but in which ways? I pooled together my own ideas, as well as a few different sources, to give a general idea. I believe one of the most important aspects is that just because we may not know exactly how to express our feelings, doesn’t mean that they don’t exist and that they’re not strong. Make the extra effort to work with us through our feelings and we’ll reward you with all the love and affection in the world. There are several other minor considerations to make when dating someone on the spectrum, such as a lack of eye contact, shying away from anything physical (at least at first), not picking up on sarcasm as well, and not wanting to go out to typical date locations.
I actually interviewed a friend of mine who’s dating a guy on the spectrum. I asked her some of the first questions that came to my own mind, and here’s what she said.
- Q: Being honest, have you ever looked at your partner differently because they were on the autism spectrum?
A: Yes, but in a good way. I see my partner as someone who is extremely organized, smart, extremely caring, and someone who has his little quirks that I love so much.
- Q: What, if any, are some of the unique challenges presented when dating someone with autism?
A: A challenge that I’ve personally faced is trying to understand the difference between the silences. It’s hard for me to understand if my partner is silent because he’s mad, or just zoning out, or something completely different. Another challenge is making sure to remember the sensory issues that he has, but I am getting much better and I love learning about him.
- Q: Do you need to put in any extra effort in dating someone with autism as opposed to someone without? If so, is that something you’re okay with or is it straining?
A: Personally, I think you have to put effort into every type of relationship, regardless if someone is on the spectrum or not. I do agree that it calls for more effort because in my experience, people on the spectrum are used to a certain routine and it is different to not only see that routine but to become a part of it/add new things. This is definitely something I’m okay with. I have been around people on the spectrum my entire life and now that I’m dating someone on it, I really wouldn’t want it any other way. I love learning about him and I think he is perfect just the way he is. I know I have SO much more to learn, and honestly, I can’t wait!
> G. Sosso