Florida's First Choice for Autism Support

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

Having a Sibling with Autism

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“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” – Albert Camus

Admittedly, having a sibling on the autism spectrum can be stressful at times, especially if the two of you are close in age. Growing up, it’s unlikely you’ll receive the same attention from your parents that they do. That is, of course, nobody’s fault, but for a young mind it can be hard to comprehend why your brother or sister is getting more attention than you. There’s also the unavoidable issue that if you’re not used to the behavior, dealing with someone (especially a child) with autism can be difficult. Many are prone to outbursts or tantrums, can’t fully understand social cues, don’t take an interest in a wide variety of activities, etc. But there’s so much more to it than that. There are few things more beautiful than the bond between siblings, and just because yours may have ASD doesn’t mean you can’t form that special relationship. Here are some of the unique advantages to having a sibling with autism; hopefully after reading this, you will gain a greater appreciation for your sibling.

First of all, you will gain a unique perspective of the world vicariously through your sibling. Kids on the autism spectrum almost always have a different outlook on life, and see the world in a unique, individual way, totally outside the norm. As the sibling without autism, you will learn very early on that the world is in no way black and white. There is no absolute binary on how things can be done, but rather, just like autism, there is a whole spectrum of possibilities. With good parental guidance, you will come to learn that individuality is something to be cherished and valued, not shunned. From your experiences dealing with an autistic sibling, you will go into adult life with an open mind and the ability to see the world from multiple viewpoints. Not only does this shape an individual with compassion, empathy, and acceptance of differences, but it also inspires innovation and creativity.

This brings me to my next point: creativity. One of the few universal traits of ASD is a difficulty in communication skills. But siblings, as I mentioned before, have a special and unique bond that allows them to understand each other on an entirely different level, autism or not. Considering the uniqueness with which those on the spectrum see the world, often being very creative, that rubs off on the other sibling. Simply having that connection exist and gaining firsthand exposure to such an exceptional worldview opens the mind to new creative potential. Desires to express oneself through music, visual design, writing or the arts can manifest in grow for both siblings, creating a symbiotic relationship.

The last point I want to talk about is how it can make you a far more accepting, compassionate person. Like I pointed out, having a sibling with autism can be a difficult thing, and their behaviors erratic at best. However, I believe this also presents an opportunity to grow into a better sibling and thus a better person overall. Growing up, you naturally come to know your siblings better than anyone else, and how to deal with all their little nuances. Dealing with the worst behaviors autism has to offer all throughout your formative years molds a person into someone who can empathize with just about anyone, and I believe you become all the better for it.

I would like to recommend this blog from Autism Speaks, from the perspective of a young lady whose brother has autism. It’s a great insight into everything I’ve been talking about, and I enjoyed reading it immensely.

  • G. Sosso

Father’s Day

Father’s Day is coming up and I wanted to devote this blog to all the wonderful fathers out there! Earlier this month, I got to visit with local autism dad Olando Rivera, former champion kick boxer and owner of the B.A. Warrior gym here in Tampa. If you’d like to read about my visit and get some great input from a primary source, please feel free to check out here.

It’s no real secret that compared to mothers, fathers don’t receive nearly the same amount of appreciation for what they do. To be fair, there are (mostly cultural) reasons for this. With many families in America, the dad is out working most of the day while the mom stays home and raises the kids. There is no study to support the claim that women naturally have more compassion than men do, though according to this article, women express compassion more often through “nurturing and bonding behaviors,” which is advantageous when taking care of a child with autism. Like most things, however, these are just generalizations, and not always the case. There’s a national trend lately that’s seeing more and more dads act as the primary caregivers in the household. Pew Research reported in June 2014 that at least 2 million men are stay at home dads in the US alone  and that number has surely risen since then. So the men are there, and they’re not going anywhere! And this is in no way meant to marginalize the impact or importance of moms; quite the opposite in fact. The mom is the wheel that keeps the whole family spinning, and without them we’d all be lost. This is more about giving thanks to the dads out there, who are just as important and should be respected as such!

To all the moms out there: please, encourage your husband to take a more proactive role in your child’s life. If you read what Olando had to say, follow that advice. His bond with his son is so strong because he got involved, broke down that barrier that so many kids on the spectrum erect, and both father and son are stronger for it. Ultimately though, it’s up to the dads to take that big step. Olando had a great quote: “There’s nothing you can do to change your situation, other than change your situation.” This is very true. A very similar thing happened to my own dad a few years ago. Before I got my diagnosis, my relationship with him was rocky. Not terrible, but we never really connected all that well. After the diagnosis, and after seeing a family therapist, he completely turned things around; he “changed his situation.” Now he and I have a wonderful relationship and I love him dearly. Its stories like Olando’s and hopefully even my own that we’re trying to create more of here at CARD, by raising awareness leading up to Father’s Day.

This Father’s Day, remember to give your dad a big hug, maybe get him a little gift, and most importantly, let him know how much you love and appreciate him!

  • G. Sosso

Editorial: Role of Fathers in Children with Autism

I want to highlight the importance dads play in raising a child on the spectrum. This is not meant to understate the significance of moms, but simply to give fair representation on both sides of the parenting duo. Perhaps if we in the community start giving them the recognition they deserve, more dads will be motivated to get more involved with their kids’ development. This is something we feel very strongly about, and something we feel needs more attention!

Ever since I was diagnosed with ASD at age 15, I’ve noticed the severe lack of not only father, but male involvement in the autism community as a whole. Why is that? Many researchers in recent years have noted the under representation of fathers in both psychological and sociological child-parent studies. They almost exclusively focus on the mothers, which can be seen as devaluing the paternal role. Some believe that this leads to a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, where the dads believe they’re not as important in their children’s lives, and as such, it becomes an unfortunate reality.

So what exactly is the role of fathers of those on the spectrum? The answer is quite simple, in theory; it’s the exact same as that of the mother. Reality, however, paints quite a different picture. From what I’ve gathered (and I quite agree with this), many believe that it comes from the pre-conceived cultural notion that the mother has to be the more caring, loving and emotional parent, while the father is seen as the cool, detached disciplinarian. Many dads are also more prone to wanting their kid to be a certain way; i.e. have similar interests and careers when they grow up.

With a child on the spectrum, you can see why this would be an issue. Kids with ASD need that extra parental devotion, since it’s difficult for them in their prepubescent and adolescent lives to develop along the same lines as the general populace without said support. The truth is that mothers in our culture are simply more inclined to do so, while many fathers believe they’re not up to the task, and that they’ve “failed” somehow. The culmination of this is the majority of the time, the kid grows more attached to the mom, ultimately resulting in the widespread belief that moms are better fit to raise their child with ASD.

So now that we know what the current state of fathers is (for many, not all), what can we do to fix it? We can spread the word of course! Showcase the wonderful contributions dads have made to the community, highlight those dads who have gone above and beyond to make a difference in their child’s life, and try to persuade those who are unsure that they are just as important as their wife is.

  • G. Sosso

***Update: Shortly after this blog was posted an article was released about a study done regarding dads’ involvement.

Study: Dads’ Involvement Key For Families Affected By ASD

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